Reaching sanity after 24 years apart

On the 25th hour
Concluded, I,
Saw the mirror in the end
Though I was never not who I am
There laid gold my ego had kept from my tainted flame
A simple scripture, said ‘I IS TWO’ – a start also an end

Balance and chaos in a beautiful blend
Blessed for losing my bestest of friends
For in lack I conjured a faithful trend
For in forgiveness I built strength

Fast through the fire
Only had two lies to spend
One was solitude
The other my absence of consent

Emergence of my liquid nature
The abundance of my caustic scent
Allowed a warrior to fall through all
To be reborn and to ascend

Violet flame of transmutation
Meditation of two mortal hands
Brought back what’s always been mine
Pulled it from its sleeping state

The dance of nature is the one I now attend
Every moment, consciously
I am both my enemy and my friend
I am the active and the passive
The allowance and the suspend
The creator and the created
I am the ease I contend

And in my chair of such amends
For all and for myself
Simultaneously I fend
Frequencies new
With pain and pleasure I comprehend
Together, me as Gaia
In awe and in suspense
Of our next creation
Limitless and with the only aim
To expand
To be a lending hand
To star seeds and dimensionals
Illuminate the imminent beauty that impends

It is here, I am waving from the End
The Death of our ways old
The rebirth of truth
Once so pervertedly bent

It is now and it tastes so compound
It is of all elements
So fear not to append
For it’s within us to be able to transcend

Clench fists, be brave
We can mend
I promise I see it already
Each one to themselves attends
And with stupor and ambiguity
Each accordingly Godsend
Together in purpose and unity
I see it, dear friend, we  can mend.
 

 

 

 

Dipped and got away with it

Smile delicate
Cheeks relevant
Speaks in a present tense
Of his past fortunes
Favors them
Brave yet shy
And softly speaking
Delegate
Of an unknown spell
Selling it
Quite well
Swell in his avail
To excite
My many interests
His moves entail
A gracious thing
I can taste the smell of it
I love to be in his presence
And be me for the hell of it
I’d love to hear my name
Coming from his
Steady lips
Our radars lit
Undressing signals
To the sound of how our bodies fit
I sit but move
Stare while the space between transits
Unspoken words
Are fuller than the ones we said
No Romeo and Juliet
But a sultry spark
At its best

Lays down on me
Bares his chest
I wouldn’t dare call him beautiful
To his bewildering face
Praises subtle are our
Selves fully dressed
Touching on something
We once compressed

Reaches out hands to hug me
Bodies blessed
By an upcoming
Surge of sexy distress

I climb and give him a pull
Heading anywhere but west
There’s a fog out here
A movie
Without a dialogue or end
Splashing skins
Against our differences
conquering
Ourselves
Let our clocks
Check the distance and
Our complimentary endings blend
Distance is a test
This dance
One I won’t forget
Thank you dearly
Can I suggest
We be each other’s faithful pets
Yes you say?
I didn’t expect less
I have time for you
And space for your address
Book me in
Swap words
Books
Trends
Flesh
Next-a game of
Open chest chess.

 

Falling in love twice in one day: the aftermath of a Sunday

Lips pink, truth slips
Stares speak for ’em
Slow steady salivating 
For the lack of boredom
Politics are old
The rat race is snoring
up our sleeves
A dozen issues we are hoarding
Throat is clogging
Mouth is holding
Running-stopping
Coming-going
global
Positioning
Systems foreign
Character glittered
Soul golden
Baked and naked
Faked halfway
Sovereign
Boots wooden
Truth stolen
Dispositioned
Led loaded
Empty to be filled
Space bound
Folded
Hoppy
But Malty
Sexy
But
Common
Earthy
But leaving
Relating
But feeling
Nostalgic, uneven

Odd grid of bones fleeting
Spicy dressing on a plain evening
Cook to dress well
And Pay less
Tummy heaving
Societal pressure
Brain overrun
White plastic kettle
Steaming
normal is no longer an existing meaning

I am me
Me is I
We’re now even
Once a predator
Now an onion peeling
Layers of old skin
With every stroke
Of each season
It’s fashionable
To be on time
Stylish to have a reason
Selfless to embody purpose
And sexy to be
One
In which
Another
Can believe in

Whirlwind romance pt.2(idlewild)

For a spacious length of a second
I readjusted my hair and intentions
Played with my ideas
Thought of all the things I couldn’t do
And how much I’d like to do them
With someone (like you)

He knew of the impotency of time
He spoke of it often
In a way he found romantic
And that dramatic hurry
Is what turned me on most about him

The edge of our cliff was the edge of an island
And our evening
Was carved out like an egg white

Frightened

In a hot oily pan

I stick to my past quickly
Respectively, so does he
Just so we can assure we are re-enacting things
The ‘right way’ this time
First kiss is tricky but words flow easy
After they’ve been in each other’s mouths

I have no currency
Neither does my pauper prince
Just our charms and smiles
And our equally honest promises
To pay back what was free

We chose to be friendless
So exploit we did
On a small scale
But not for the sport
Just the dance of spirit
For the sake of romance
The sake of our ardor
Spun his umbrella from the handle
Up and down my waist
Walked changing pace
To favor me restless
Said things I’d only read before
And assured me he means them
By clapping and looking up to the starless sky

I laughed loud and lenghty
And made sure to balance my breath
With the reality I was facing
But soon we walked over
To the dark side of the clock
‘Next stop is the last train, love’
He needed to dive
With a sweet and salty goodbye
I cycled slowly away
Imagined his laughter
Filling up the carriage of lonelies
Fried up against a train seat
On a stale Sunday

I left to continue
To charm and disarm
But found my brain bringing him back
This is not what I’d set out to do
Not what I had in mind
But I felt free of judmedgent’s spicy delight
This dance was a winner’s one
These muscles tight
My stomach a bowl of laughter
My mouth – a broad sight

Deaf I observed
A beautiful man bellow bountiful ballads
Somehow my romance continued alone
Dancing slowly
Brave to be boundless
My single use beloved
Broke the hour of silence
By showing up at the door

Whirlwind or not
Wasted/wasteful or both
We strolled down what we wanted to find out
Was never to be whole
Without the melting away of our souls
Without denying our wicked goals
To get over a block of two bodies
The ones we loved most

So we sipped red tea in a robust morning
Cut of hot stone, yawning
Pushing and pulling
Fully admitting we were currently ghosts
Splitting the unfavourable cost
Of holding onto something lost
A slice of self once sealed in symbiosis
To a time we were one with the whirlwind
Yet not a glimpse
But a permanent hypnosis

Queen Pest-an old friend

Bodies clever,
Serpent-like
Hissing, shedding attire
Moulting cries
Here’s a suitcase
Light it on fire
Watch it burn our backs
Drunk on lust
Not sure about desire
Don’t censor me
My charm is
That I’m simple
Mouthy, dire
My orgasm is my horizon
My flesh is the outline
The body waves-an admonition
Dive and you’re mine
Inebriated
Mind raped and detained
Soak in your decisions
Weigh the misses and the takes
With pride not so heroic
I fuck you powerless
Another climax closer to death
Maybe we’re happy
Is this it? Purplexed
Head under the pillow
Into another’s body
I’d been swept
Thank you God
Yet another curse
With which I was blessed
To hold beauty immense
But to choke it vulgarly
A Queen Pest

space invasion

One year, it’s grown
Twelve months, two poles
Push-pull, overdose
Jump-fall, eyes closed
What will I do if it never came close
What will proceed if on its sleep I let it choke
I guess we’ll never know
The stars align, the river broke
The heavens played us both
Like old songs
Violins
Piano
Soulful folk
I was broke
Until your ring spoke
Endless
Speechless
Eyes misty
Egg yolks
Pan fried
Fork poked
Stale still
From what absence
Had evoked
Now
With a hand in my torso
Full of hope
Push me brave
I will wish you woke
My final stroke
Slow motioned
Provoked
By stars and shards
Of autumn’s cloak
Dance solo
Roll, drink, coke
A fort of knitwear bespoke
Silly, small
Our smiling eyes
Full of jokes
We laugh and move
We sleep, we cope
Absence revoked

Zoom in
Zoom out
Poke poke poke
Gunshot to the heads
So high
They didn’t croak

Desperate attempts to sink the unsinkable

Post-summer confession
Days without words
Still full of expression
The chair still rocks
And cigar still pulls
Sky spitting same old
Thundering the earth’s pulse

Settee dusty
Soles of four feet
Step lightly, flirting
With muscles new and old
Grown as far as they could
From the thought
Of being cold
Earth so clean
Mouths so dirty
Wind, water, fire
Lurking

Small lakes
Make cloud-like shapes
And wash away the distant birthing
Of a myth
Where to get the message
Was a risk
So steep
That the tides
Could drift

Cornered
Three out of four
Numbers, smells
Possessions
Gold
Fallen between cars
Sober silence
Between bars
Scientifically
They proved it
It has all been
A farce

&

Energy is
Useless

Unless
You know
How they use it

Unless
The symbols
Get parsed

 

News ain’t new they always knew

”Here have this
It’s all I have
It’s all I am
It’s hard to fit in a pocket
It’s more you could ever chew on
Try to melt it
That’s
The only clue I can give ”

I ran then
I ran from you running
Your waters down my spine
I couldn’t take so much
Coming in at once
Where there has always
Only
Been
No
Thing
That I would call a name
Just a bland colorless
Tasteless
Lack
No face
Take it easy
I don’t want to hate me
Or you
For being found anew
Edge of man
Leap into human
Who’d have known
It’d be us two
If you had told me when
I was 22
I would have called you
A fool with taste
But nevertheless
A fool
Maybe we should move
From the eyes of
Them
Who don’t know bloom
Nice view
Into you
Is to speak my truth
Good move
Spirit food

What less could we do?

Who’s we if not a model
To rule
Got the crowns
At the ready
To do what we set out to
Change the world
One song at a view
Soul frequency
Radio ‘1+1 is more than 2’
That travel in a cocoon
Up to where we went

Hitchhiking to the moon

The darkness set on us
Releasing fumes
3rd degree burns
Yours truly
Hero
No news
My up to date self
Left right through
That fire
Designed for two
I’ve got just
The child in me left
Now
So
Do

You

We sit
Hold tight to
Our invisibility
Who’s making moves
When we’ve always been
One that appears as two
Twins
Intertwined
Stuck in
The world of
Prudes
Who have never been so moved
Just tasteless, bland
Their own face
They’d chewed
I recall your face by memory
Like I can’t recall my own
I draw it
So your future self would be ahead of me
So we could save ourselves
In the dungeons of their ruins
Smoke a few
To turn blood blue
Oh the guards
Of their inhibitions
Can we drug them
Without suspicion
I grab the small
And you the big one
Throw a whitey
And zoom

Into return

Proud to know you
Counterpart
My own villain
My Bonaparte
With strength to hold the whole world
And shake it
To find me
And stay patiently
In my presence
Until I recognized
My fears
My wounded essence
You respectively
Obidiently

Learned your lessons

Up here
I’d jump
If I would be
Your patient
So I did
And so did you
Respectively
We love
To see
Ourselves
Chopped
Screwed
Let’s make a killing
Burn man down
With homemade fuse
We could never be lost or lose
We will always be our muse
Eternally
And now
Our souls’ only food

A thousand ways to kiss

A kiss-a mouthful
A kiss-a cut
Into two hearts-for now
For a while?
A kiss so stern, so sure
Of its belongings
Of its realities
And imaginary teeth
A kiss powerful
And monogamous
Individual
Messy yet pure
A kiss falls
Where we’ve never been
Explore
Throat
Core
Breathing in deeply
So we can kiss more
Here, and yesterday
Packed, in motion
Tomorrow
We can be more

Lips strategically placed
Where they might have not felt
Before
Pulling hair, skin
Why are we talking
When we say so much
With our mouths closed?

Eyes wide shut
Wipe face warm
Blushed
Every moment
A chance to create
New ways
To kiss, to love
Stir it all
Into the pitfalls
Of those we chose
To not kiss anymore

A peck – a midnight call
Into a park with no lights
Just trees
Like leaves we fall
Into the arms
Of the now we adore
The now we’ve always known
Will be outstanding
In the book
We wrote

When nature calls
And says
To kiss
To be
To build
A fort
Of white sheets
Where kisses galore
We gave fruition there
And then
With Angels, Gods
That gave the World a kiss
When it let us be
Alive together
And gave us mouths
For wands

 

Cheers to the past

My dad would have turned 52 today but he isn’t. He’s eternal now and I think it’s better for him. Not that I don’t love him, quite the contrary. He was just a tortured soul that spent too much time in his self-made gutter to be able to soak the sun. So when he went I was relieved as well as shocked for we hadn’t spoken in a few years. Somehow though, a few months before he passed I came to grips with the fact that we might never see each other again before he departs this life.

It took me a while to process yet I was the same me I have always been. It was only a year ago that I forgave him(and more so myself) for the trauma and ‘lack’of love I had experienced as a child.

See, I’ve come to realize that everything has an expiry date in the material realms-friendships, civilizations, beer. And it’s cool. I finally learned to live with that and it was (mostly) thanks to my dad. He was never the good guy, but he was the anti-hero, which is still a hero. His difficulty in expressing emotion and lack of self-control were traits I might have once taken on, but with time came to understand and release because they weren’t serving me. He never hated me or wanted to mistreat me in any way-even if it looked like he did. He hated himself and subconsciously wanted to push me away and show me what not to be like. And though that is not the dad people want-it might be the one I needed.

For today I am stronger and wiser because I know love sometimes lets go. I know love cannot thrive if the person doesn’t love themselves first. I know true love is eternal and a thought away. The connection and friendship we had even for a short time, though riddled with comical downfalls of his dignity, was a lesson for both of us.

I would never be the person I am today without my family and all the things they show me and have put me through, whether good or bad.

Always grateful.