THE orange van man – a prequel

in the sticky sunshine
of our vibrant street
a cowboy
steps out of the gas
station.
dusty, yellow.
stations himself
where his vehicle emblem
should have been
oh he would have been
so mine
if  I could be seen
with a man

he sits comfortably
like a woman would be-
legs apart
ready
not waiting

flicks his lighter
a bit like a redneck fashion show
ridiculous
intriguing

obviously pretends
he likes sports
and downs beers
guiltily
on school nights

you could smell
the liquor with which
his skin was burned
after his first heartbreak
his strength was naive
and real

I fought my instinct to step out
of our one bed apartment
I could have stared uncomfortable
across him
until
something would
happen

I wasn’t shy to undress though
in the window frame
I love the potential attention

by the time he lost the cigarette
I had finished my guilty pleasure too
I watched him prepare
mindfully
for the drive ahead
as if his van was about to deliver
a secret weapon to mankind

my femininity was passive
today
as always
his masculinity
out to eat you all
alive
and you look prepared

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