SLIDE

I used to miss you
NOW I SEE
I’ve always had you

It feels so long
Ago
The lack
So long ago
(Almost)
A fake memory

Now you’re over here
The past no longer is
Now you’re here
You blew my poltergeist away
And yours
I loved it so much
I let it evaporate

Smile in unison
Arms up
let it ventilate
Unity
Reunion
All these words
Try so hard to surface
When it’s just you and me
Starseed(s)
In an earthly communion

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NEW PATHWAYS OPEN-GOGOGO

ANOTHER FRIEND LOST
to the perils
of miscommunication
The danger of
Suppressing emotion
The sadness of
Trying to erase
Rather than fix

I hurt before
Now I only could observe
He leaves
He left a while ago
When he made up his mind
I was away

And I wish him the best
But I cannot teach him
To say the words
He can teach himself
To not be afraid of
The answer

It’s beautiful for things to end
friend goodbye
though we weren’t spent

anti climax

4 am toothache
is welcome
for it brings insights
from my spirit
again again again
another flip of the coin
another proof
that I am always winning

the pain subsides
i spilt a spirit in my mouth
to numb it
and i could finally
maybe
bloody  rest
but no
I need more news
I need more tests
I hate admitting I am tired
when at my weakest
I secretly
am my best

for in my naked
seemingly
disarmed big eyes
I hold space
for what is true
which is nothing close
to any book or poem

nothing far from the heart of
my cosmic body
reaching its goal
but it’s not wrapped in words
it cannot
so I seize
to try and control
and let go
united,
I let go

Oxymoron

I will be in just after twelve.
Today is not easy
Something is heavy
On me
And waiting
To leave
Need to be alone
Or healing cannot go through
Swallowed by
Someone unhealthy

Won’t be set free
Until
I help them
It’s happened before
It happens today

my mending heart reigns

over
Small shoes
On big feet
Playing pretend
soul drained through the sink
The ill one
In a suit
Gel
And fresh morning stains

You sick
Sick
Fuck
Of course
I will help
I’m just drained
Til after twelve

one of those

two’s days

where I look after both

and all is in reverse

yet into place

upgrades

integration

upgrades

i get triggered by laughter

I don’t recall

how it tastes

just after twelve

could find

my place

maybe

nought

maybe twice

a ‘yes’

 

 

untitled unedited hospital particle

this is not tragic
it’s full of life
on the inside

domestic
splendour
in the
pre-elections
NHS

room service
luxurious soup
5 teas a day
as many drugs
as wished for
come dine with me
Bukowski and Steinbeck
a bell for any of my needs

I couldn’t cry
for I am privileged
to breathe
and be assisted
by 4
gorgeous girls
each time
I pee

THE PHOTO STORE

tiny seahorses
azure sky
one
with the horizon
thy end
is beyond

your death and smile
are easily
one
and the same
your photo is
seamless
your frame
of a macho

reflecting on emotion
and passion
sunk in
your muscle

your squinty eyes
Carry your princess
across the store
in between
your memories
and records

she gasps frequently
deeply fascinated
and comes to terms
with the end of her search

mid-ocean
the final embrace
is the first true touch
and her echo
your new skin

the depths of the sea
Adore you two
and welcome you
with a flush

hormones

my one true
whore
moans
spits,
chokes,
gags.
silence

”whaddya ev’n know ’bout it”
rushes to the window
looks to her feet
denial
embarrassment
chlorine
fluoride
condoms
two for one
or many for nothing

chains hold her
beyond me
I seldom try to carry her load
I possibly can’t
not allowed
to see her bloom

finishing off
gazing lazily at a covered bottom
should have brought wine
but ”why
sugarcoat it
sweet tits”

she hates me
but disallows to show me that
she follows rules
she does her homework
On a chair
undressed and fastened.
special.

her eyes different colors
hair oriental
skin type uncommon
and a feel I get
she is going where she’s meant to

the Gods must be angry with her
she is taking a lot in
can’t jump into
an ”average” life
it never was thus

I finally come
she hasn’t moved

but in my head she came with me
soft spoken
covered in potential me’s
warm and well-read
I even imagine
having feelings, bills.

Wipe my thighs
our eyes meet
how can one be so shy
of a momentous
one inch punch style
historical defeat

I swallow her rear with my gaze
healthy
filling
feast
I could go again
if she’d let me
ever
leave

time – space reality

starting with the conclusion
of
write! write! write!
or be silent

of
show discipline
or stay stagnant
the effort is so effortless
so pointless
so pointed

to an idea
of resurrection
of the dead spirits
that lie within
and recognize each other
all at once

”Oh hey”
they say
in a non-vocabular language
”good to acknowledge you”

loss of time and space
the ultimate
drug

Optometry Tuesday

I see space around you
To be vocal
To be yourself

Plain
Unexplained
And free

The true essence of the beautiful
Freak
Let it be
Anything it is
So it can be a part of we

We are all like you too
And you are all like me

Swallowed
in the trap in-between
the real and the
ought to be

best times begin

they say youth is to be treasured
but how can you
when you haven’t yet had
anything else
to compare it with

broad shouldered wise-men
shut up and glare
when they see fresh meat

they meant youth is what they treasure when old
when you lose it
but I will keep it
here
on these pages
in my diaries

I am youth
forever
my heart a phoenix
as I delete my past
and become someone new

This is day one for me.
The only day I will live
Don’t by-stand
I don’t want to be admired
I only travel for truth
and to be of service

I am multidimensional
in a body of a woman
and I love that vessel
and the creativity of the life force

But I would much rather
be a soul now
Not a subject
Of fantasies
But real – solid –
Game changer

So I begin
Thank you